STRENGTHEN YOUR RESOLVE

Ephesians 6:10 KJV
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

Dearest Mamas:

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Cheers to God! Cheers to you! Cheers to today! Cheers to all that the Lord will accomplish for you and yours today! Yay! Hooray!

BE ENCOURAGED!!! The Lord our God is valiantly fighting on your behalf! Go, fight, win!

The media is full of propaganda and some reasonable awareness about harmful products and activities that we should avoid. Sometimes the information is baffling and overwhelming because of its sheer volume. Other times, the contradictions are wearying.

We are told to exercise, eat healthy, avoid aspartame, get regular doctor's check ups, minimize our caffeine intake, eat less sugar and carbs, take supplements and vitamins, and use fluoride-free toothpaste. The list goes on and on. Our socio-cultural 'should nots' and 'do nots' are perpetually endless.

Consider the following examples. One year we're told to place sleeping babies on their chests. The following year we are told to allow them to sleep on their backs. Another year we're told to consume soy, soy milk, and soy products. And, the following year, we are told that soy is dangerous and overconsumption is a health risk. In any given year, the FDA approves food and drugs that are later taken off the market and banned. The information yo-yo can be frustrating.

Nevertheless, allow me to share one practice that is always harmful to us and our kiddos. Making comparisons is always a dreadful habit. The consequences can be destructive and down right crippling. You can be absolutely certain that comparing your kiddos to someone else's kiddos or even comparing one of your kiddos to another one is always bad. Moreover, comparing ourselves to others is always very counterproductive and harmful.

Sweet mamas, we are radical Christian, survivors of divorce and single parents. We are counterculture in every way. We do not fit into the proverbial box. We are different!

We thoroughly enjoy and fiercely defend our Christian liberties. We chose to be different when we started this journey. If you didn't choose to be different initially, I am sure that difference quickly surfaced and chose you. Then, perhaps you eventually discovered your unique difference. Embrace it!!!!

I was shocked to discover a whole line of Hallmark cards that celebrate divorce and divorcees. The party planning and catering industry has also tapped into the market of divorce celebrations. It's quite sobering and sad to witness our society haphazardly handle the sensitivities and nuances of divorcement. Divorce is taken very lightly in our culture. Pop culture doesn't esteem marriage therefore divorce is a huge joke. But, we all process our divorce through a Christian, biblical worldview so we know that divorce is a grave matter and regardless of the factors that led to divorce, it is hardly an occasion for celebration. The Holy Spirit's indwelling causes us to be very different both internally and externally. We are the salt and light of the world. Divorce doesn't change that. Of course, pain and trauma can threaten to dim our lights and mask our flavor, but we are still VERY, VERY different.

Because we are different, particularly by choice but more so by being obedient to God, it can be soooooo harmful to make comparisons to others. We are different! We are different! We are different. We have embarked on a different journey from much of society therefore their standards and judgements do not apply. In order to protect our determination, our focus, and our goals, we must disregard standards that do not apply to us. God's word is our foundation. Let's drink deeply of it to strengthen our resolve.

When possible, it's ideal to join together with other sisters in Christ in order to encourage, inspire, and support one another. Our journeys are similar and yet they are different but we can encourage one another. We all arrived at salvation, marriage, motherhood, and unfortunately, divorcement and single parenthood at different times and in different places. Our history and our stories are uniquely different thus God is performing different miracles in our lives. That's not to say that any of us are exempt from healing, renewal, and restoration. Let's just say that healing and wholeness can slightly vary from lady to lady because of our differences. But, different miracles are wonderful because we are unique and God's understands our unique differences.

Fortunately, we are able to help strengthen one another and strengthen our resolve by encouraging one another on our journeys. Instead of desiring to have something that someone else has or far worse, sulking and moaning about what someone else has, we should support one another. And, patiently wait on God for our breakthrough, blessing, or miracle.

When others share their testimonies in church or elsewhere, we should feel inspired and encouraged. Testimonies are powerful faith boosters. Testimonies are not meant to aggravate and irritate. The purpose of testimonies is to highlight God's goodness, faithfulness, grace, and mercy. The testimony is supposed to magnify, uplift, and glorify God, not the individual person nor what they received.

Surely, we can believe God for a miracle that is similar to the one  that someone else received but, we cannot effectively pray for nor expect the same exact miracle because 'we' are not that person. There are no two exact snowflakes, miracles, nor people. God designed our differences. He delights in our differences. He is doing something different in each of our lives.

Some divorced, single mamas (DSM) are blessed to remarry within a few years of their divorce, others are blessed to remarry when their children are young adults. Some DSMs do not remarry but rather commit their lives to serving God and their families in their singleness. Some ladies return 'home' with their kiddos and care for aging parents. Others launch ministries that are devoted to helping single parents. God is doing something uniquely different in each of our lives.

Testimonies are helpful to encourage us as we continue on our Christian walk. But, when we flirt with the bad habit of making comparisons between ourselves and others then discontentment, covetousness and envy can set in. Guard your hearts Sisters. I promise that God is performing a uniquely different miracle in your life!!! It is better than anything that you can imagine. Waiting is hard but one day you will understand that the wait was necessary for the worthwhile blessing.

Avoid making comparisons; they only make us depressed and frustrated. TRUST GOD!!!! TRUST GOD!!!!! TRUST GOD!!!! It's nice to lay hold of goals, aspirations, dreams, and desires but leave ENORMOUS room for you to submit to God's leading and His way. Even among ourselves, we cannot compare.

Making comparisons with our kiddos is also terrible. It's so tempting to compare our kiddos' progress with other kiddos; PLEASE don't, it's counterproductive. Divorce is a very complicated and complex ordeal. It affects parents and children alike. Focus on helping your kiddos to process their feelings and to heal. They will change as thy cope with divorce and it's aftermath. Welcome the change! Change can be good!

Be mindful that coping it required from now until forever. Every time that your child has visitation with your ex, they are exposed to a situation that will require coping. Painful reminders of divorce will sometimes surface when you least expect. Patience is necessary to walk the road to healing and restoration.

Do not worry or doubt that your kiddos will persevere because they will. Everyday, you can help them become more and more resilient. But, be patient. Do not expect them to think, behave, and act like other kids because they are NOT other kids. Your babies are your babies. And, God has blessed you with special skills and tools to help your babies grow and thrive. Remember, your kids are NEVER behind. They are always right where they should be.

Children do not all develop at the same rate emotionally, mentally, or even physically so it's problematic to expect them to heal at the same rate. Our kiddos are as different as the colors in a box of crayons yet they all are wonderful. Let's embrace our kiddos' beauty. Let's fiercely cling to our God given freedom to patiently and supportively allow our children to develop and progress at their own speed.

We can empower our kiddos by teaching them early on that their most important competition comes from within and not without. It's important that their goals for healing and coping are set to improve themselves. Their resilience is based upon surpassing their own previous milestones and not others. As long as they 'bounce back' and move forward, your kiddos are okay.

Ladies, we must be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Our resolve is strengthened when we keep our focus on God and not ourselves, our situations, and others. Let's refrain from making comparisons. God is working ALL THINGS together for our good. Good may look different from person to person but, good is simply that: GOOD!!! God has promised us all good and He is faithful to deliver it. Relax and trust God!

Love and blessings

Hugs