THE TRUTH SETS US FREE

John 8:3KJV

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY TUESDAY!!!

God is good! Praise the Lord for another beautiful day! We are so blessed to be alive.

The other day I was speaking with my aunt. Not too far into our conversation, she began repeating family lies and legends that served to further preserve and protect dark, disastrous, deadly, damaging family secrets.

I was so shocked to hear my elder aunt candidly and frankly disseminate lies. The lies rolled off her tongue with such rapid speed. It was difficult to tell if her thoughts were premeditated or just a toxic, subliminal ooze from a deep, dark subconscious place. Obviously, her heart held a bastion of secrets but she dared not let the light of God's truth and wisdom invade those dark, dank cardiac chambers. She lived balled and chained in her own dismal heart, mind, and world.

Southern respectability, pseudo-Christian respectability, and feminine respectability all collided to enslave my dear aunt to a very wretched past. There was a desperation in her. She wanted to embrace truth but lies were so much more convenient. She recalled the hurtful events of the past like they occurred moments ago. She is a shell of a woman; unable to process, understand, and safely retire the past. With every lie that she breathed life into, her self-imprisonment posed a tighter strangle on her life. My heart ached for her. Our bodies can only tolerate so much untruth and pain. Once a person reaches their threshold, the harboring of painful secrets and untruth begins to take a toll on one's health.

Sisters, acceptance of all of our stages and phases of life is very important. Dr. Kubler-Ross indicated in her research that acceptance is the final stage in the death and dying grief process. In order to completely resolve our grief birthed from divorce, we must come to an acceptance of our new normal.

Acceptance is experienced by focusing less and less on our loss and our painful past. An indication of our acceptance of loss is evidenced by our ability to recollect without experiencing profound post-traumatic stress. A healthy indicator of acceptance is demonstrated in our preoccupation with the present and future more so than our pasts.

One of the most important elements of acceptance is working through our painful experiences. It is not healthy or wise to lie to ourselves nor others in an attempt to circumvent the healing process. From time to time, humans struggle to a degree with the temptation to embellish their images or stories. We often fancy others with our embellished stories in order to assuage our egos; there is safe ground to do so. In fact, in the face of trauma, we create and re-create stories that help us make meaning of our pain and resulting experiences.

Telling stories and creating our personal narratives is very important in our quests to survive and thrive. Making-meaning of our pain and suffering is necessary for boosting and bolstering our own resilience. Have you ever attended a testimony service? It is so empowering and uplifting to hear fellow Christian brethren recall their trials, tribulations AND, most importantly their God-authored triumphs. Storytelling is important to ground our identities and experiences.

 It's so essential that we get dirty and dig deep in our hearts and minds for the truthful elements that comprise our stories. The pharmacon is in our pain. It's very important for us to involve God on the journeys that plummets us to the depths of our soul. Only in knowing ourselves can we rightfully understand where we have been and where we are going.

Sometimes we are the victims of others' lies and malicious accusations. It's quite common for divorcees to be the subject of lies and the target of false accusations as our ex-spouses develop propaganda to defend their decisions and to persevere their esteem and integrity in the eyes of their family and fans. If you have experiences of the suffocating attack of treacherous slander, then call out to God. ONLY God can cause others to see the truth about you. Someone once said, "when toxic people can no longer control you then they will try to negatively influence how others see you." Though the attacks are painful and senseless, stay focused and stay prayerful. Trust God to open the eyes and hearts of your attackers and their audience. May God bring them from darkness to the light of truth.

As we are moving through the messy, painful, difficult work of introspection, we should refrain from 'running from our ourselves' or barring ourselves entry from certain areas of our hearts and minds. Some people cannot explore themselves alone; tough cases often require professional mental health help or pastoral care. If anyone finds themselves creating and perpetuating lies to defend 'self' or to make 'self' look better in the eyes of others, then a major problem is at hand. Seeking professional help is highly recommended.

Ladies, we cannot lie to ourselves and escape carefree. And, we cannot lie to others without consequence. At the end of the day, others quickly discover truth about us. To spread and perpetuate lies when others have disarming knowledge of our past is dangerous and disastrous. We want to shy away from dysfunction and use the storm of divorce to plot healthy, wholesome steps forward.

The everyday narcissist is defined by extreme self-absorption, arrogance, and grandiosity; none of those traits are admirable or conducive to good health and healing. While it's so tempting to make ourselves feel better by trying to look better and to convince others that we are better, let's take a close look at ourselves. Let's examine the broken areas of our lives and seek remedy for our brokenness. The Lord God has a remedy for every wound and affliction that pains us.

Sisters, it's so painful and counterproductive to hide behind superficiality. So many generations of Americans have experienced myriad traumas. But, due to the social milieu of their generations, they were not free to openly and honestly discuss their pain so they buried it deep within. I think our social climate allows more freedom to air dirty laundry; just take caution to entrust your cares and concerns with wise and gentle folks. We need faithful family members and friends. Loyal friends are often unbiased and can prove very helpful to those on the road to the healing. Choose your friends wisely and they will go the distance with you.

Research is bearing out the fact that trauma can alter our DNA in such ways that post-traumatic behavior can be genetically passed along. If behavioral research stands the test of time and if it's further corroborated by more data, then we have a lot to lose by affecting the next generation with exposure genetically or environmentally to maladaptive behaviors. Let's choose to live and love well. Our kiddos are depending on us to get well for our collective well-being.

Lies and cosmetic smiles can mask our pain for years; these masks will never be removed unless we consciously make the effort to expose ourselves. Exposure makes us vulnerable but so does the decision to love again after being hurt. We cannot vow to stop loving because someone stopped loving us as in the case of divorce. Likewise, we cannot keep our hurts and hang ups covered if we ever seek to find true peace and healing.

Sadly, masks can create a deep chasm that separates us from reality, denies us of complete healing and restoration, and ultimately, retards our growth and development. Divorce is too painful and tormenting of an experience to stay imprisoned in its shadows. Dearest Sisters, allow the love and light of God to touch and heal your wounds. Be courageous! Be bold! Fight forward! You have the courage to live victoriously after the storm. Seek the Lord!

Love and blessings

Hugs

MY RINGS: FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE

A symbol of love
A circle has no end
Hard to believe you pledged to be my friend

Til death do us part
Through good and bad
I never thought I would lose what we had

These bands....
These rings....
I cherished the hope they did bring

Now, I can't eat
I can't even sleep
The pain and sorrow has too much sting

Oh God, do you see my tears
Can you hear my cry
Be near me, be close, don't let me die

Heartbreak
Heartache
I'm not so sure how much more I can take

Oh God, do you see my tears
Can you hear my cry
Be near me, be close, don't let me die

These bands....
These rings...
I will use them to lasso new dreams

Talking to Storms

Mark 4:39 KJV
And [Jesus] arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

.....Sisters, when storms hit, talk to the one that can talk to storms.


Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY MONDAY!!! I hope you and yours are well! Remember, God is using everything in your life for good!!! God is doing a special, unique, different-kind-of miracle for you. God hears all of your prayers. God will answer your prayers. But, perhaps He is up to something that is different from your prayers. The Lord knows your needs; never doubt His faithful provision. Just live outside the box. Stay open and receptive to the Lord's leading and His miraculous, creative, majestic way of supplying your needs.

Often we pray based on the parade view of life that we have but fortunately God sees all. He answers our prayers based on the Heavenly view that He has of our lives and everything else. Let's trust God and His process!

Ladies, someone once said that your faith and will is tested when everything happens all at once and also when it seems that nothing happens at all. If you're in a season of bustling activity and lots of change or one of relative dormancy, don't despair! God is using all things in your life for good---for His good and for your good. Trust God! Trust His process!

Sisters, when storms hit, it's so easy and tempting to disengage from the adventure called life. Please don't disengage. Live on! Fight forward! Calm seas never made great sailors. Sad but true, storms challenge us then improve us.

I implore us all to cling closely to the ONLY wise, loving, and compassionate Lord that can walk on water and speak to storms. We REALLY need God when storms hit and rightfully so. We are blessed to serve a God that commands obedience from storms, winds, and raging seas. Similarly, trials, circumstances, and tribulations are subject to our Lord's power, rule, and reign. Trust the Lord! Trust His processes!

God doesn't cause the storms that we face but He can certainly use storms and their outcome for our good. The Lord can use storms to strengthen, encourage, inspire, and even direct us. In the case of Jonah, God allowed a storm to keep Jonah from going to a place where he shouldn't have gone. Like a GPS, the storm helped to re-calculate Jonah's journey and ultimately, his destination. Jonah eventually arrived at God's intended place for Him.

Ladies, I remind us again that our perception is based on a parade view/ vantage point. Be careful and gentle with yourself because you can't see all and you don't know all. BUT, praise the Lord, God sees all and knows all. Many times we don't understand the paths that our lives take because of our limited understanding and minuscule view point. So, it's very important that we surrender and submit to God. He has the knowledge and power to navigate us through every storm.

During storms, literally and metaphorically speaking, visibility can be really bad. If outdoors, we cannot see more than a yard or so away. Sometimes our perception from a window is even more so blurred because of heavy rain that beats against the glass and thus obscures our view. It becomes harder to make decisions, mid-storm, because of our lack of vision and insight. So, often we have to rely on television or radio updates from experts that can observe and chart storms with the assistance of satellites and other technology. Because of the experts' view of storms, they can recommend safety precautions to take, including the need to evacuate or not. Essentially, a correct view of a storm is half the battle in knowing how to engage it. Typically, we cannot see our personal storms in their entirety and we also erroneously use mental, emotional, religious, and intellectual filters in an attempt to understand our storms. With wrong vision, we can minimize our effectiveness in weathering a storm. We must rely on God.

Dearest Ladies, God sits upon the circle of the earth. He can clearly see the storms of life that blow in and out of our paths. The Lord can see the end of the storm from the beginning; and all of the nuances in between. Post-divorce we will encounter many storms: financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual etc. We will have to fight through and endure several storms before we get to a new normal. Therefore, it is so wise and daring of us to trust God to speak to and silence our storms or to walk us through the storms. When we walk with God through a storm, we can delight in walking on top of the storm. When we walk on top of the storm, we are protected from dying in the storm. God shields us so we don't drown or despair.

After the Hebrew boys were subjected to a fiery furnace, they smelled of smoke but were not burned. Likewise, storms wet and wrinkle our skin, but they don't kill us. We benefit from God's supernatural buoyancy. Our survivorship and resilience, during and after a storm, is authored by the One who can talk to storms. No matter what type or size of storm that you are facing today, take courage! Lean on God! Trust Him! And, the Lord will victoriously see you through.

Love and blessings

Hugs


Isaiah 40:22 KJV
It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in:

STRETCH MARKS

Galatians 6:17 KJV
From henceforth let no man trouble me: for I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.

Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY FRIDAY!!! Yay!!! Hooray!!!

Fight forward!!!

The BEST is yet to come!!!

I imagine that most of us bear stretch marks from pregnancy. If you recall, our bodies underwent enormous change in order to sustain the life and growth of our babies. Our minds, and bodies, were stretched to accommodate the greatness that blossomed in our wombs.

No two pregnancies are alike and neither are stretch marks. Each pregnancy and stretch mark is a beautiful symbol of God's goodness, grace, and mercy. Have you ever traced one of your stretch marks with your finger and marveled at the goodness of our incredible, miraculous God that orchestrated an incredible, miraculous process in our wombs. It's a surreal notion. Our stretch marks are a testament to our tenacity, courage, strength, and resilience; they represent a constellation of experiences and memories that have beautifully and wonderfully shaped our identities and lives.

Even in instances wherein a darling baby did not survive the journey from womb to earthside, God is good! In the case of babies that never journeyed home with us, stretch marks take on a new and different meaning of survivorship. But, God does indeed use all of our experiences to make us better people. Suffering is rarely, ever welcomed but it refines us like nothing else. Simply put, survivorship equates to a very unique, multi-faceted identity, experience, and undertaking.

Long after labor and delivery, our stretch marks can remind us of our journeys to motherhood or temporal loss. Nevertheless, stretch marks can remind us that we are victors, champions, warriors, overcomers, survivors, winners and conquerors etc. Stretch marks are symbolically prophetic in that they foretell of our ability to fight and win future battles. Stretch marks corroborate our tales of tenacity, perseverance, and above all, resilience.

Marks are important identifiers. Every scar that we bear is linked to a certain time, season, and stage in our lives. The marks, but more so the memories they invoke, keep us grounded in our identities as individuals and mothers. Our stretch marks herald our history, but let's remember the marks of Christ as we press toward our future....as we strive to parent for His glory. The marks of Christ anchor our purpose and calling for today and tomorrow.

The apostle Paul admonished the early church to refrain from glorifying in the mark of circumcision. He was careful to inform early believers that God is most concerned with the circumcision of their hearts. Hence, obedience is better than sacrifice.

Under the old covenant, physical circumcision was necessary to identity Abraham's children and followers of God. But, when Christ was crucified, He took on the most important marks of the new covenant. Christ's marks are the sole, lasting, important, incredible marks of our faith.

Christ's pierced brow, side, hands, and feet are the last required physical marks of Christianity. Because of Christ's sacrificial death, believers are identified by bearing the marks of Christ rather than bearing the mark of physical circumcision. Through obedience to God's will and way, we bear the marks of Christ. By worshipping God in spirit and truth, we partake in Christ's suffering and bear His marks.

Ladies, let's draw our strength today from the marks we bear. Our stretch marks speak of our resilience. Yet, the marks of Christ speak of our glorious present and future. We bear these marks until God welcomes us home. When you consider your earthly sufferings, remember they are temporal. Please remind yourself that you look a whole lot better in eternity. Have a great afternoon! Have a wonderful weekend!

Love and blessings

Hugs

STRENGTHEN YOUR RESOLVE

Ephesians 6:10 KJV
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

Dearest Mamas:

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Cheers to God! Cheers to you! Cheers to today! Cheers to all that the Lord will accomplish for you and yours today! Yay! Hooray!

BE ENCOURAGED!!! The Lord our God is valiantly fighting on your behalf! Go, fight, win!

The media is full of propaganda and some reasonable awareness about harmful products and activities that we should avoid. Sometimes the information is baffling and overwhelming because of its sheer volume. Other times, the contradictions are wearying.

We are told to exercise, eat healthy, avoid aspartame, get regular doctor's check ups, minimize our caffeine intake, eat less sugar and carbs, take supplements and vitamins, and use fluoride-free toothpaste. The list goes on and on. Our socio-cultural 'should nots' and 'do nots' are perpetually endless.

Consider the following examples. One year we're told to place sleeping babies on their chests. The following year we are told to allow them to sleep on their backs. Another year we're told to consume soy, soy milk, and soy products. And, the following year, we are told that soy is dangerous and overconsumption is a health risk. In any given year, the FDA approves food and drugs that are later taken off the market and banned. The information yo-yo can be frustrating.

Nevertheless, allow me to share one practice that is always harmful to us and our kiddos. Making comparisons is always a dreadful habit. The consequences can be destructive and down right crippling. You can be absolutely certain that comparing your kiddos to someone else's kiddos or even comparing one of your kiddos to another one is always bad. Moreover, comparing ourselves to others is always very counterproductive and harmful.

Sweet mamas, we are radical Christian, survivors of divorce and single parents. We are counterculture in every way. We do not fit into the proverbial box. We are different!

We thoroughly enjoy and fiercely defend our Christian liberties. We chose to be different when we started this journey. If you didn't choose to be different initially, I am sure that difference quickly surfaced and chose you. Then, perhaps you eventually discovered your unique difference. Embrace it!!!!

I was shocked to discover a whole line of Hallmark cards that celebrate divorce and divorcees. The party planning and catering industry has also tapped into the market of divorce celebrations. It's quite sobering and sad to witness our society haphazardly handle the sensitivities and nuances of divorcement. Divorce is taken very lightly in our culture. Pop culture doesn't esteem marriage therefore divorce is a huge joke. But, we all process our divorce through a Christian, biblical worldview so we know that divorce is a grave matter and regardless of the factors that led to divorce, it is hardly an occasion for celebration. The Holy Spirit's indwelling causes us to be very different both internally and externally. We are the salt and light of the world. Divorce doesn't change that. Of course, pain and trauma can threaten to dim our lights and mask our flavor, but we are still VERY, VERY different.

Because we are different, particularly by choice but more so by being obedient to God, it can be soooooo harmful to make comparisons to others. We are different! We are different! We are different. We have embarked on a different journey from much of society therefore their standards and judgements do not apply. In order to protect our determination, our focus, and our goals, we must disregard standards that do not apply to us. God's word is our foundation. Let's drink deeply of it to strengthen our resolve.

When possible, it's ideal to join together with other sisters in Christ in order to encourage, inspire, and support one another. Our journeys are similar and yet they are different but we can encourage one another. We all arrived at salvation, marriage, motherhood, and unfortunately, divorcement and single parenthood at different times and in different places. Our history and our stories are uniquely different thus God is performing different miracles in our lives. That's not to say that any of us are exempt from healing, renewal, and restoration. Let's just say that healing and wholeness can slightly vary from lady to lady because of our differences. But, different miracles are wonderful because we are unique and God's understands our unique differences.

Fortunately, we are able to help strengthen one another and strengthen our resolve by encouraging one another on our journeys. Instead of desiring to have something that someone else has or far worse, sulking and moaning about what someone else has, we should support one another. And, patiently wait on God for our breakthrough, blessing, or miracle.

When others share their testimonies in church or elsewhere, we should feel inspired and encouraged. Testimonies are powerful faith boosters. Testimonies are not meant to aggravate and irritate. The purpose of testimonies is to highlight God's goodness, faithfulness, grace, and mercy. The testimony is supposed to magnify, uplift, and glorify God, not the individual person nor what they received.

Surely, we can believe God for a miracle that is similar to the one  that someone else received but, we cannot effectively pray for nor expect the same exact miracle because 'we' are not that person. There are no two exact snowflakes, miracles, nor people. God designed our differences. He delights in our differences. He is doing something different in each of our lives.

Some divorced, single mamas (DSM) are blessed to remarry within a few years of their divorce, others are blessed to remarry when their children are young adults. Some DSMs do not remarry but rather commit their lives to serving God and their families in their singleness. Some ladies return 'home' with their kiddos and care for aging parents. Others launch ministries that are devoted to helping single parents. God is doing something uniquely different in each of our lives.

Testimonies are helpful to encourage us as we continue on our Christian walk. But, when we flirt with the bad habit of making comparisons between ourselves and others then discontentment, covetousness and envy can set in. Guard your hearts Sisters. I promise that God is performing a uniquely different miracle in your life!!! It is better than anything that you can imagine. Waiting is hard but one day you will understand that the wait was necessary for the worthwhile blessing.

Avoid making comparisons; they only make us depressed and frustrated. TRUST GOD!!!! TRUST GOD!!!!! TRUST GOD!!!! It's nice to lay hold of goals, aspirations, dreams, and desires but leave ENORMOUS room for you to submit to God's leading and His way. Even among ourselves, we cannot compare.

Making comparisons with our kiddos is also terrible. It's so tempting to compare our kiddos' progress with other kiddos; PLEASE don't, it's counterproductive. Divorce is a very complicated and complex ordeal. It affects parents and children alike. Focus on helping your kiddos to process their feelings and to heal. They will change as thy cope with divorce and it's aftermath. Welcome the change! Change can be good!

Be mindful that coping it required from now until forever. Every time that your child has visitation with your ex, they are exposed to a situation that will require coping. Painful reminders of divorce will sometimes surface when you least expect. Patience is necessary to walk the road to healing and restoration.

Do not worry or doubt that your kiddos will persevere because they will. Everyday, you can help them become more and more resilient. But, be patient. Do not expect them to think, behave, and act like other kids because they are NOT other kids. Your babies are your babies. And, God has blessed you with special skills and tools to help your babies grow and thrive. Remember, your kids are NEVER behind. They are always right where they should be.

Children do not all develop at the same rate emotionally, mentally, or even physically so it's problematic to expect them to heal at the same rate. Our kiddos are as different as the colors in a box of crayons yet they all are wonderful. Let's embrace our kiddos' beauty. Let's fiercely cling to our God given freedom to patiently and supportively allow our children to develop and progress at their own speed.

We can empower our kiddos by teaching them early on that their most important competition comes from within and not without. It's important that their goals for healing and coping are set to improve themselves. Their resilience is based upon surpassing their own previous milestones and not others. As long as they 'bounce back' and move forward, your kiddos are okay.

Ladies, we must be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Our resolve is strengthened when we keep our focus on God and not ourselves, our situations, and others. Let's refrain from making comparisons. God is working ALL THINGS together for our good. Good may look different from person to person but, good is simply that: GOOD!!! God has promised us all good and He is faithful to deliver it. Relax and trust God!

Love and blessings

Hugs

AMAZING GRACE

1. Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

Was blind, but now I see.

2. ’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

3. Through many dangers, toils and snares,

I have already come;

’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.

4. The Lord has promised good to me,

His Word my hope secures;

He will my Shield and Portion be,

As long as life endures.

5. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,

I shall possess, within the veil,

A life of joy and peace.

6. The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,

The sun forbear to shine;

But God, who called me here below,

Will be forever mine.

7. When we’ve been there ten thousand years,

Bright shining as the sun,

We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise

Than when we’d first begun.

Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!

We are halfway into the week! So, that means we are halfway to the end of the week! Friday is just days away! Yay! Hooray! Congrats on your progress and productivity!!!

My sweetest sisters, you all are every shade of wonderful. You're brilliant blue, you're priceless purple, you're outstanding orange, you're radiant red, you're young-at-heart yellow, you're gracious green, and you're incredible indigo! Thanks for coloring my life with your wonder!

If you're feeling disgusted today, engage in something that you enjoy. By all means, hold on. If you're feeling irritated, slow down and relax. If you feel like giving up, take a break but don't quit. If you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and PRAY!!!! We are emotional beings. Sometimes our emotions stay in check and sometimes a barrage of emotions seek to flood our senses and shipwreck our hope, determination, and iron will. When frustration and emotional responses roll in like a flood, run to higher ground. Run to our Rock. Fall on Him. The Lord is a solid rock; all other ground is sinking sand. Hold firmly to our Rock til the storm passes. Hope BIG! Desperate times call for desperate measures....

......I went to charge my cell phone. I connected the phone to the charger and took off to complete my chores. A couple hours later, I returned to retrieve my phone and make a call. I soon discovered that my phone was still dead. I felt slightly irritated. A quick troubleshoot revealed that my phone was indeed connected to the charger but the charger was not connected to the wall electrical socket. Ugh!!!!! Geez!!! Oh my!!!! *  *  *Ladies, I venture to believe that several of us are plugged into activities, groups, and people that we believe are charging us but they are NOT. Sometime we can be plugged in for so long that it looks like we are charging but yet we feel lifeless, drained, and uncharged.

 Sometimes we change: our needs change, our interests changes or perhaps our availability changes. And, other times groups and people change. I encourage you to take inventory of your 'connections.' Please make sure that you are NOT connected just to be connected and uncharged. Please make sure that your connections are REALLY charging you and helping change you for the better. Simplistically speaking, EVERY relationship that we share and EVERY person in our inner circle meets a need for us. Make sure your needs are getting met. Your needs are just as important as the next person's. We MUST regularly care for ourselves in this regard.

Up above, I posted the lyrics to Amazing Grace! I hope you took a second to read them. If not, please read over the lyrics to this timeless, classic hymn. I will give you a moment......

Sisters, I want to hone in on some very, very important truths that are nestled in the first, third, and fourth stanzas of Amazing Grace. The first truth is simply this: we are saved right now ONLY because of God's grace! And secondly, ALL that we are and ALL that we have at this moment is ONLY because of God's grace. Sisters, I submit to you that our entire existence is predicated on God's grace. We are alive because of God's grace. We are saved by God's grace. We are redeemed and restored by God's grace. We are survivors of divorce by God's grace. We are awesome single parents because of God's grace. We are well because of God's grace. Our kiddos are well because of God's grace. ALL that we are is because of God's grace. And, ALL that we possess is because of God's amazing grace.

The lyricist asserts that it is by grace that we were saved. It is by grace ALONE that we were transformed from being bearers of spiritual darkness to bearers of God's holy light. It is because of grace that we were once lost and are now found. It is because of grace that we were once blind but now see.

Does not stanza three cause your throat to tighten and your eyes to water? I can barely read it let alone hear it sung without the waterworks beginning. This particular stanza allows the realization of the impact of God's grace to hit us right between the eyes. There is an absolute, very strong correlation between the Believer's triumphs and victories AND God's grace!!!!

Sisters, there is NO earthly way that we could have endured countless dangers, toils, and snares without God. There is NO earthly way that we could have survived marital decay, separation, divorce, and the painful aftermath without God. We are survivors and thrivers because of God's grace. There have been many, many times that we thought we had surely come to the end of road, that we couldn't go on another step. BUT, we have walked further and we will walk farther still. Because of grace, we have safely and soundly ventured into 2017. By grace, we can continue to live until God calls us home.

There is no shortage of encouragement in stanza four. Ladies, we are reminded that God has promised GOOD to us! Whoaaaaa! Wow! How awesome! God is great! So many others promise us difficulty and disgust BUT, the Lord promises us GOOD! What a blessing! Thank you JESUS for your good promises!!!!!!

Sisters, we must keep our hope secured in God. The Lord is our shield and portion FOREVER. We can always count on God to provide for us. In fact, it much easier to live when we REALLY understand that God is the reason that we are who we are and that we have what we have. When we rely on our efforts and abilities instead of God's then we have to struggle to figure things out. Self-reliance makes us struggle even harder to make everything work! Relax and TRUST GOD!

YOU cannot give yourself life.
YOU cannot wake yourself up in the morning.
YOU cannot make your heart beat.
YOU cannot make your lungs breathe.
YOU cannot make your ears hear.
YOU cannot make your eyes see.
YOU cannot make your muscles work.
YOU cannot make your stomach digest food.
YOU cannot make yourself exist and function properly.

Sooooooo, quit stressing and worrying about your existence and provision. God will provide for you and yours. We all are living, surviving, and thriving BY HIS GRACE.

We were not smart enough, clever enough, cute enough, sexy enough, rich enough, wise enough, nor witty enough to survive all of life's dangers, toils, and snare on our own. We survived because of God. We keep surviving because of God. We are still going because God wants us here AND He wants us to keep going. Live well today!! Ladies, God's grace is better than a blank check. He has paved and paid your way. Embrace the journey!

Love and blessings

Hugs

TRAUMA IS THE DEVIL'S WEAPON: DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT

Job 13:15 KJV
Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

Dearest Sisters,
Spiritual warfare is essentially a war between God and Satan. God has already won. God won waaaaaay back when He cast out from Heaven Lucifer and a rebellious third of the Heavenly host. God won when he declared in the Book of Revelation that Satan and his legion of demons would burn in hell for eternity. Satan is existing on borrowed time. He is like a booked criminal that is released on bail until the sentencing trial. Satan has full reign on earth, as prince of the air, until he is finally sentenced and punished on Judgement Day.

In the meantime, Satan and his demons are angrily warring against God. But, they are no match for God. They cannot harm God so they craftily try to hurt God's precious, treasured creation.

Satan used to be a prized angel of the Lord but, he is no more. Thus, he is very, very jealous and envious of the apple of God's eye--humanity....His children.....us. Satan can never, ever be redeemed nor restored to his former glory as an archangel so he angrily wages war on us. He does not want us in relationship with God. He does not want us to follow nor obey God. He doesn't want us to receive God's unfailing love, grace, mercy, and comfort; in fact, he wants to intercept our blessings. He doesn't want us to receive anything from God that he isn't receiving. Moreover, he wants us to receive from God that which he will receive- God's holy wrath. Ultimately, satan does not want us to do what we were created to do- worship God.

Satan stopped worshipping God because he wanted to be like God. And then, he wanted to be God. He coveted the praise and adoration that God received from the Heavenly host. Satan stopped worshipping God and he wants us to stop worshipping God too. Satan is hell bent on getting us to worship him. Satan is after our souls. Sadly, selling one's soul to the devil is a very real ordeal.

Dearest Sisters, it's so true that misery likes company. Satan is not happy that he and his demons will be sentenced to hell, especially not alone. He would like as many other souls as possible to join him in the lake of fire. So, the Bible says that Satan goes about like a roaring lion seeking to steal, kill, and destroy. Satan is angry. He hates mankind because we are made in the image and likeness of God. Satan hates Jesus because he is the propitiation for our sins and now those that live godly in Christ Jesus are reconciled to God for eternity. Satan hates Christians because we are heirs to the throne of Christ.

Satan tried to doom mankind forever when he tricked Adam and Eve into disobeying God. But, God intended for Jesus to live and die in order for Satan's head to be bruised. When Jesus asserted from the cross, "It is finished," Satan took another blow. Satan is powerless to the Believer. He is crushed. But, yet in still, he continues to wrestle with us. He wants our souls. He wants our worship.

The devil uses trauma, hardships, and suffering to gain access to our lives, to our minds, and ultimately, to our hearts. The enemy uses many types of trauma as a vehicle or conduit in which to break our defense, infiltrate our hearts, and stop our affections for God. The devil exploits our pain in an attempt to ensnare us. The devil will use the pain caused by many evils and situations: incest, molestation, rape, abuse, domestic violence, a violent crime, the death of a loved one, personal sickness, the sickness of a loved one, the special needs/ different ability of a loved one, a still birth, a miscarriage, the death of one's young child, company lay offs, job termination, cashlessness, home foreclosure, homelessness, abandonment, loneliness, betrayal, and even divorce to ensnare us. DID YOU CATCH THAT SISTERS?????!!!!! DIVORCE IS A SNARE!!!! If you were sued, divorce is NOT your fault. If you prayed and fasted AND prayed and fasted some more, AND your ex STILL left, quit faulting yourself dearest Sister! You are NOT to blame. It's healthy and helpful to mourn your losses; it's also healthy and helpful to know your enemy, Satan, and give him credit when it's due. Satan is at fault for authoring your divorce. Your ex-husband is at fault for obliging the devil.

Ladies, divorce is a snare; it is a trap. Divorce can claim two victims from one marriage: the first is the hard-hearted spouse that leaves. He is first deceived into believing that divorce is a good decision and then he executes the decision although it has drastic consequences for all parties involved. The other potential victim is the abandoned spouse; for our purposes, the wife. Post-divorce Satan can deceive the wife into believing lies about herself, her divorce, and ultimately, God. The wife can then downspiral into an abyss of depression, despair, and detestable self-hate. Both victims can take two baits that are greatly different in nature but the same in outcome. Satan uses deception to cause folks to stop walking with God.

Divorcement is largely out of our hands!!! It's out of our control!!! We are NOT to blame. Satan instigated divorce in order to ensnare us. Satan wanted to take us out of the game by detonating a bomb in our marriages. Understanding the nature of Satan and the nature of his attacks is important so that you can know how to respond to spiritual warfare.

You would think the devil wants our marriages, our husbands, our homes, our sanity, our peace of mind, our families, our bodies, our self-esteem, and our children BUT no. Well, he definitely wants more souls but not the relationships per se. The devil doesn't care about destroyed people, families, or marriages. The devil doesn't care about destroyed jobs, careers, or homes. He is a spiritual being; he can't use any of our stuff. The devil only hopes to gain a soul in the aftermath of his destruction. He wants to know if you will curse God and swear your allegiance to him when persecution and pain enters your life. Remember Job's wife? Need I say more. "Bless her heart," as Southerners would say. "She told her husband to curse God and die. Shame on her."

Dearest Sisters, stand strong in the Lord. STAND STRONG!!! Praise and worship God through the storms and stress. Jesus is interceding for us DAILY. God and His heavenly army is fighting for us DAILY. DO NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT! Keep fighting the good fight of faith. You are only fighting now because God choose you, BEFORE you were born, to be His child and to fight with Him. God has won; keep fighting.
As Jesus hung on the cross, he looked defeated. Surely, he was bruised, mutilated, and scorned BUT, he was NOT defeated. As you look at yourself and your surroundings, you may see an appearance or look of defeat. BUT, YOU are NOT defeated. Looks can be deceiving. That's why we are told to walk by faith, NOT sight. No matter what you are fighting or facing, God's Holy Spirit is living in you and battling for you. The Lord's winning spirit is in you. You will win because God wins! Remember, the fight is for your soul, NOT your stuff and NOT your relationships. Protect your soul by DAILY entrusting it to God.

Love and blessings

Hugs

THE FUTURE AWAITS YOU

Genesis 1:1 KJV
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

Dearest Ladies,

BE ENCOURAGED!!!!! God will provide for you and your kiddos. God has been providing for His children since the beginning. God never changes. The same God that ruled and reigned 'In the beginning' is still ruling and reigning in the here and now. The same God that carefully provided for humanity 'In the beginning' is the same God that remains faithfully committed to carefully providing for His children now.

Fear and doubt may try to creep in your mind but rest assure the Lord is very capable of supplying EVERYTHING that you need. Take no concern that you do not have anything nor everything figured out; that's okay. God has you in the palm of His hand. You are far more precious to Him than the lilies of the field whom He lovingly tends. The Lord protects and provides for the itty, bitty sparrow: can you imagine how much more you mean to God. God is sympathetic to your struggle and strife. He has provided for you in times past (look back over your life). And, God will continue to provide for you.

The Lord has gone before you and your kiddos. Your future is established. Your steps are ordered. The Lord will supply your need. Maybe now you are wondering where your next meal will come. Maybe you are concerned about the payment of mounting bills. Perhaps you are wondering how you will refill your gas tank. Cry out to Jesus! The Lord God has a ram in the bush for YOU!

I was reminded that the Lord created the world and EVERYTHING in it that was necessary to sustain life before He created man. Moreover, the Lord meticulously created the wonderful Garden of Eden before He placed Adam and later Eve into it. The Lord intentionally went before Adam and Eve to establish 'their world.' He created an environment that would sustain them. Moreover, 'their world' was beautifully fascinating and bubbling over with life and activity. The Lord provided EVERYTHING that Adam and Eve would need and yet He did not have to consult them about any of His arrangements and plans. The Lord knew what they needed AND He provided it. The Lord provided EVERYTHING that Adam needed and He pronounced that EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. Only a loving Father would take diligent action to ensure that His children had everything that they needed. And, He gave them only GOOD things to fulfill that need. God is good!

In this same manner of divine provision, Christ departed our world with the intent and purpose to prepare a place for us. Our resurrected Christ promised to return to His father and to secure our Heavenly homes. Again, the Lord has gone before us to establish our eternal dwellings and to provide EVERYTHING that we will need in eternity. Our Lord is so wonderful.

I pray that you are comforted by Jesus' promise as recorded in the Gospel of John. Please read below:

John 14:1-4 KJV
Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

Ladies, we can trust God to provide for us. God is not a man that He should lie. The Lord has a long history of providing for us. Divorce does not change the Lord's affection and devotion to us. We serve a God that exists outside of time. The Lord is everywhere all at once. His power, love, and provision is not constrained by time. Therefore the Lord God is always many, many, many steps ahead us. He has paved our way. He has provided for EVERYTHING that we will ever need in every season and stage of our lives. May I again remind you of how awesome our God is. Consider the following verses from Psalm 50:

10 For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills.
11 I know all the fowls of the mountains: and the wild beasts of the field are mine.
12 If I were hungry, I would not tell thee: for the world is mine, and the fulness thereof.

The world belongs to God. He knows every creature in the world and He knows what every creature needs. Of all of His creation, we are esteemed the highest. The Lord will not suffer us to exist without His love and care. Look around you! Everything that you are and everything that you have is a priceless gift from God. The Lord has cared and provided for you and yours up to this point and He will NOT stop now. Give the Lord a shout of praise. Oh worship and magnify the Lord with me! Selah!

Press forward Sisters!

Hope BIG!

Believe BIG!

Let not your hearts be troubled! Believe in God! Believe in Christ! I encourage you all to have an unquestioning faith in God! The Lord has established your future! Trust Him! Follow Him! Walk boldly and courageously into the next chapter of your life. Your story gets better. Live well!!!

Love and blessings

Hugs

THE BEST GIFTS ARE FREE

John 15:13 KJV
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Dearest Sisters,

HAPPY SUNDAY!!! Cheers to the beginning of a wonderful, winning week!!!! Glory Hallelujah! I pray that we all are looking forward to a promising and productive week. I hope that excitement is mounting. Awesome, amazing things are slated to occur this week! Yay! Hooray! Keep your eyes attuned to the miracles of God; there is no shortage of blessings and miracles with our Lord! God is for us. God is for YOU! Go forth and win! We have victory in Jesus!!! Cheers to you and yours!!

As we prepare for Valentine's Day, I am mindful that some of the BEST gifts are free. Chocolates, stuffed animals, and flowers are great but so are FREE gifts that are given freely from our hearts. FREE beats a bargain any day. We do not have to wait for discount days for GREAT savings; FREE gifts are available everyday.

Love and affection are free. And, fortunately our children crave our loving, affectionate attention. They seek our approval, affirmation and validation. All of these gifts are free but we must be intentional in giving them. Let me qualify 'FREE' by assuring you that these gifts will cause you to make countless selfless sacrifices but they won't require any money. The incredible gifts that are at our disposal to offer to our kiddos are a reflection of God's incredible gift of salvation. Salvation didn't cost God any money but the sacrificial offering of His son was the 'price' that He had to pay. So, FREE gifts cost us ourselves, but not money. There are few things more rewarding and demonstrative of love than self-sacrifice. Heap the FREE gifts upon your kiddos. Give yourself; the rewards are greater when you give yourself rather than just give of yourself. Try to be a gift rather than just give a gift. YOU are an incredible gift. YOU are an ever-giving gift. YOU were blessed with children to gift them with yourself.

I recall a story of a chicken and a pig discussing who had the BEST gift to offer at a farm breakfast party. They went back and forth squawking and oinking about their reflections. This same conversation was also underway amongst the farmer and his children. As they gathered around a hearty meal, they prepared to pray. The golden silence was interrupted by the hen still squawking about. She was yet trying to defend her case by perhaps gaining the attention and hopeful favor of the farmer and his family. The family dismissed the hen's protests and resumed breakfast. The sweet Mrs. happily served her family. And, all at once the hen started squawking again. She seemed disgruntled. The farmer's son interjected, "I think pig's gift was BEST. Hen only gave of herself in sharing her eggs. And yet, she is still unsettled. But, pig died in order for us to have bacon."

Let's choose today to offer our kiddos sacrificial gifts. The BEST gifts should cost us a personal sacrifice. We are already off to a GREAT start. As survivors and single moms, we have committed to raising and rearing our kids even after our husbands deserted the post. Our job is tough but we continue on day after day. Sometimes we don't think we can last through the day let alone the week but we persevere. We could have given up and sent the kids to live with Grandma. But, we remain faithful and true to our callings. Thus, we are wayyyyy ahead of the game with regard to sacrificial giving. Yay! Hooray! However, God wants us to go further, do more, and achieve greater plateaus. It's only in the Lord's strength that we can muster up strength, courage, and fortitude to love like Him. Love on Ladies! It's a true wonder and beauty to behold survivors that love their kiddos like they've never known hurt. It's a true testament to God's redemptive power to encounter mothers that teach their kiddos to love even when they are the constant target of unlovely ways from ex-husbands, ex-in laws, and ex-friends. Love fails NOT. Love on!

Ungodly parents intentionally withhold their love and consequentially, their kids wither away right before their eyes. We, however, can allow the busyness or stressors of life to zap our energy and distort our focus. Though we are godly mothers, carelessness with our children can sadly leave us with the same results as ungodly parents. Lord, please have mercy on us! Give us wisdom, guidance, and strength for the journey, oh God!

As divorcees and single parents, we are very familiar with fatigue, weariness, and tiredness. Our plates are full as we juggle the day to day responsibilities that were designed for two parents. However, we must use our present circumstances to our advantage. Whatever we have the strength to do often, we must strive to include in our kiddos (in that activity). Whatever tasks we engage in order to boast our resilience should include our kiddos. Certainly, "me time" is necessary to recharge, but we need to embrace our kiddos as we submit to healing and change. We must grow together.  Through shared experiences, both the good and the bad, we can cultivate and nurture love and strong kinship bonds with our children.

Let's not allow the flames of love to smolder into embers. Sometimes, we can feel the uneasiness in our hearts and homes as we all gradually drift away due to busy involvement in various hobbies, activities and work. Sometimes the drift occurs as each family member struggles to cope with loss, change, and challenges. Regardless of the reason for drift, pray and ask God for help. Drift requires immediate intervention. If there shall be any drifting, let it be none other than a family drifting together and not apart. We must draw together in unity, strength AND LOVE.

If a couple of family members prefer to view TV to cope with divorce and its aftermath, strive to watch TV together. If reading is the choice activity, then read together. If cooking, then cook. If running, then run. If sleeping, then sleep together. If playing, then play. In fact, I encourage all moms of young kiddos to carve out substantial time to play with your kiddos. Children are able to incredibly process their feelings and emotions through play. For kiddos, play is so much more than a recreational activity. Play is a tool for their brain development and their emotional and mental health maintenance. Play helps children attain an equilibrium post-trauma. We are wise to engage our kiddos in playtime. Overall, relationships need to be fed to grow and thrive. Love and connectedness grows healthy, happy, and holy relationships.

Giving of ourselves far outweighs any toy or trinket that we can give our children. We may not live up to all of our motherhood ideals and aspirations but God has uniquely equipped us to possess the core skills, traits, and talents that are needed to raise our kiddos. Our children are our flesh and blood. Genetics is an advantage we have in rearing in our darlings. Our shared faith is another HUGE plus. And, gratefully we have the Lord's brilliant ,intelligent design that perfectly matches our supply with our kids' needs. Let's strive to give ourselves to our children. We have very limited time with our children living at home. So, let's rise to the occasion to prepare them to live well.

Let's purposefully adore and admire our children. Let's give them the attention and affection they crave so they are not lured to forbidden places, people and things to fulfill these natural longings. We can gift our children with "soul gifts" that feed their hearts and minds; these gifts will benefit them a lifetime.

"Soul gifts" are so critical; single parents cannot afford NOT to give them. We have to constantly play both offense and defense; and often times without back up. In ongoing spiritual warfare, we must both attack the devil and protect our children from counterattacks. "Soul gifts" provide a spiritual bulwark. Our continual investment in our kiddos' spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical development can minimize the effects of divorce.

It's so important that we remind our children that they are beautiful or handsome; that they are special and irreplaceable. We must shower them with statements like, "I'm proud of you," or "you're so amazing." How about a simple, "I love you," EVERYDAY. There is no such thing as loving a child too much. It is VERY wise to fill our children with love. The quest is daily; leftovers don't apply to love.

Rules and regulations are also very important as are appropriate consequences like reward and punishment. Divorce wrecks havoc on the order and stability in a house. Divorce is much like a tornado; it can destroy everything in its path. But, as divorced, single mothers we are very influential in damage control. We can still be homemakers! In the aftermath of divorce, we can be GREAT homemakers! Even after our exs are long gone and remarried, we can make wonderful homes for our kiddos.

A necessary ingredient in homemaking and family rebuilding is setting boundaries and establishing rules. Children, and humans in general, fare much better in environments in which they know what is expected of them. Children thrive when they have doting mothers that help them adhere to those expectations and even award or punish their behavior. Cheers to you Sisters! You set the atmosphere of your home. You have full reign to raise your kiddos in a happy, healthy, holy haven. God is available 24/7 to help you. It doesn't take a super mom to engage in Christian homemaking. God only requires a normal, imperfect mom that is willing to let her perfect, powerful Lord work through her. The results are incredible.

A lasting gift to our kids is prayer. Let's constantly cover them in prayer as an expression of our deepest love. Our kiddos must be confident in their identity as God's children and our children. Sharing our love and God's love with them DAILY is magnificent and invaluable. Loving our children is mentally, spiritually and emotionally consuming but it's free and absolutely worth the sacrifice.

As many of our children are coming of age, it's imperative that we teach them how to study the Bible independently. It's also important that we allow our children to witness us studying and reading our bibles. Surely, the church has a role in shepherding our children. But, the work of youth pastors and children's church leaders does not lessen our responsibility to teach our children the fear of the Lord. Our discipleship work is primary and the church's work is supplemental. Family and independent bible studies will bless our children FOREVER.

The FREE gifts that we can give our children are many. Have fun gifting your kiddos with "soul gifts;" rest assure you won't break the bank. Smile! Go forth and win!

Love and blessings

Hugs

HOPE CHANGES EVERYTHING

Titus 2: 13-14 KJV

Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;
 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.

Dearest Ladies,

God is good!!!! In fact, God is REALLY, REALLY good!

We are blessed beyond measure!!!! We are REALLY, REALLY blessed beyond measure!

Do you realize that some women actually lose their minds and their lives as a result of divorcement? The reality of divorce is dreadfully devastating. Divorce seems all the more agonizing, treacherous, and torturing among Christians. Sometimes we, as believers, allow ourselves to imagine that we are immune to some of the devastations of life in a fallen world. Truth is we live in a sin-marred world. Therefore, our life experiences can get downright yucky and messy. But, God makes all of the difference in our lives. The Lord told us to be of good cheer because He has already overcome the world.

If you are reading this post, BE ENCOURAGED!!!! You have survived a blow that could have ended your life and sanity. BUT, GOD kept and preserved your life, your sanity, and the lives of your darling kiddos. You are a champion! You are a warrior! You are a survivor! You are a conqueror! You are destined for great things. God will complete the GREAT work that He began in you while He knit you in your mother's womb. The devil is no match for God. And, divorce is certainly no match for God.

Sisters, wipe your tears and dry your eyes! YOU ARE ALIVE!!!!! WE ARE ALIVE!!!! We are miraculously alive. None of us can probably articulate all of the specifics of our stories but we can testify that GOD IS ABLE! And, deep down inside we know beyond a shadow of doubt that we couldn't have made it to today without God. Glory hallelujah!

 Fortunately, there is life in our bodies! There is fresh air in our lungs. God continually breathes life into the broken areas of our lives. We live day after day because He lives in us. Daily the Lord is regenerating our hearts and healing our damaged psyche. The Lord God is purging us of the traumatic memories that trigger stress and anxiety. The Lord God is healing our damaged emotion. The Lord is constantly at work repairing our state of consciousness. Renewal is underway. Every night that we cry ourselves to sleep or wrestle in beds listlessly, God is at work.

The script of our lives has already been written! God knew long before we did that Satan would try to ensnare us. God knew that our marriages would corrode and that our husbands would bail. God is never shocked nor surprised by anything that happens to us. But, He does require that we trust Him and rely on His strength and guidance to navigate marital disaster. The Lord doesn't shame, blame, or guilt us. Rather, the Lord wants to take our hands and lead us away from the rubble and debris of divorce and onward to rest, renewal, and restoration.

Because God rules and reigns, ANYTHING is possible!!!!! Because, we are alive, ANYTHING is possible!!!! Hold on to your faith in God!!! Keep hoping for the answers to your prayers!!!! Keep believing for God to make a way out of no way!!!! Impossibility is the key ingredient for miracles!!!!! TRUST GOD!!!

Dearest Sisters, you will NEED tremendous, big, giant, enormous hope to cope with the challenges post-divorce!!!! But, press on! You still have the all-important role of mommy!!! Your kiddos need YOU!!!! Regardless of what your ex made you think or feel as he departed, YOU ARE SPECIAL and YOUR KIDS NEED YOU!!!! Your kids still need you even though you may feel weary, raggedy, and beaten. In fact, you may feel no good. You may feel that God cannot use you any longer. Right now, you may be appear like a shell of your former self. It doesn't matter. If you believe that God cannot use you then you are sadly mistaken. God's grace is sufficient for us. The Lord is using you as you read this post. You are a divinely commissioned Mommy-In-Chief. Your kids need you just the way you are at this very moment.

Divorce does not demote you, NOT for even one second. 'Wife' and 'mother' are still honorable, godly roles. Divorces do not change history nor facts. Your husband's absence does not change that you were a wife and that you still remain a mother. Don't give up! Don't stop fighting! Your kiddos need you!

Your kiddos need you to reassure them that God is still good even when trials and tribulations arise. Your kiddos need you to demonstrate the power of faith in God. Your kiddos need to witness that prayer is effective and transformative. Your kiddos need to see and feel love even in the midst of unlovely circumstances. You are an instrument of God's grace, love, and mercy. God is using you every day and night to provide for and protect your kiddos. The Lord is also using you to pass on the great heritage of our Christian faith. Don't worry about how you feel! You are capable of this task and mission because God is for you. Struggle through this season! Cry through this season! Moan and groan through this season! Fast and pray through this season! But, understand that God has a purpose for this season. He is working ALL THINGS together for good for you and your kiddos.

Sooooooooo, don't settle for "no." Don't settle for "no way." Don't settle for "maybe." You will get through the difficulties of recovery and healing. You will parent with purpose. I am cheering for YOU!!! Stand firm on the promises of God. Become steadfast, unshakable, unrelenting, fixed, unmovable and anchored. BELIEVE the Bible. BELIEVE God! Keep hope alive!!!!!

HOPE changes everything!!! HOPE REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!!!! We NEED hope! Christ is our HOPE! Sisters, we must intentionally protect our hope. Satan will use people and situations to try and diminish our hope. Fight against the attacks. Rise above the assaults. Above all, remain hopeful. Consider the following hopeful histories from the Bible:

When Adam and Eve sinned, God promised a seed that would crush satan's head.

When the world was filled with vile wickedness, God promised to shelter Noah and his family in an ark during the flood.

When Abraham was old in age yet consistently faithful, God promised him a seed.

When the Children of Israel suffered as slaves in Egypt, the Lord promised a deliverer.

When the Children of Israel wandered in the wilderness, God promised them protection, provision and ultimately, a promised land.

Fast forward.....

In the face of foreign conquest and captivity of Jerusalem, God promised a Messiah.

Under tyrannical Roman rule, God promised the birth of a Savior.

During the corrupt, cruel and capricious reign of the Pharisees, Christ promised healing and deliverance of sins. He promised the kingdom of God.

On the eve of Christ's crucifixion and death, the son of God promised that He would return from the dead.

In the midst of the pain and sadness surrounding Christ's ascension into Heaven, He promised to return again.

Fast forward....

When divorce threatened to steal your life and sanity, God promised to restore and redeem you and your kiddos.


Sisters, there is no shortage of hope with God. He offered hope years ago. And, His children believed. God offers hope today. I pray that we believe. We MUST keep our hope in God!!!! We MUST believe His promises. GLORY TO GOD!!!!! Praise the Lord!!!!!

God doesn't leave us alone in desperate situations!!!! The Lord God is faithful to deliver us. Even more, He offers hope in the midst of troubling situations. His sign(s) of hope encourages us to hold on til redemption is complete!!!!!! Charge ahead with hope Ladies!!! Cheers to the hope of God in 2017!!!!

Love and New Year blessings

Hugs

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Matthew 28:20b
"And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen."

Dearest Ladies,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

You are not alone Sisters! There is a HUGE difference between being alone AND feeling alone. We must settle this difference in our hearts! The Lord told us that He is with us ALWAYS!!!! ALWAYS means that God is with us when we feel like He is with us AND even when we do not feel like He is with us. Feelings do not alter truth! We must embrace God's word. We must hide His promises in our hearts so that we can effectively fight against satan's lies and snares.

As survivors of divorce and single parents, we must understand that God is always with us. We have to understand and grasp this truth. Alleged loneliness is a weapon that Satan will try to use against us time and time again. The only defense we have against Satan's lies is TRUTH!!!!! We must fight back with the truth of God.

We were designed for relationship and fellowship with God, a husband, family, and friends. We have a need for relationship, especially the companionship and intimacy of marriage. So, it REALLY, REALLY hurts when our husbands break covenant and forsake us. Broken marital covenant inconveniently severs one stream of our fellowship supply. Its absolutely devastating because martial fellowship involves spiritual and physical ties. It's a form of fellowship that meets needs that are uniquely different from all other relationships we form. It's only in marriage that God describes two people becoming one. So, consequentially divorce is painful because it involves a literal spiritual, emotional, and physical split. No wonder God hates divorce. It's devastating. Nevertheless, God is with us ALWAYS!

It's utterly painful to feel the weight of betrayal. True love is unconditional; it lasts a lifetime. When we experience anything less, we suffer a devastating blow. But, remember, EVEN when our husbands abandon us, we are NOT alone. Marital abandonment is literally abandonment by a husband, whom is also a man. But, when ONE PERSON- even a husband- stops journeying with us then we are NOT completely abandoned; we are simply traveling on minus one person.

He left! He quit! He gave up! He could not keep his word! Husbands may leave. But, God NEVER, EVERS abandons us. God does NOT leave when husbands leave. In fact, He is right there to usher us into His loving arms.

God created our need for fellowship and He created the specific relationships that can supply the need. Marriage is important but the most important relationship that we can ever have is with God. It's the foundation and bedrock for all others. Our identity must be in Christ ALONE. When our identity is firmly rooted in Christ then we can withstand status changes in our other relationships.

We are so fortunate that God is omnipresent. He is with us wherever we go! He is always with us NO MATTER WHAT!!! Though we love family members and friends, they physically come and go throughout our lives as various missions, assignments, and adventures call them away. But, God is with us NO MATTER WHAT!

It's very common for ex-husbands to tell their children that they didn't leave THEM, just their mothers. That is a terrible, terrible lie. There is NO WAY possible for a man to abandon his children and NOT abandon his wife. In the same way, we can not claim to eat food and NOT digest it. But, even so, when a man abandons his family, they are not utterly abandoned. God is sensitive and sympathetic to the plight of divorced women and children.

Satan tries to attack us with many, many lies that are spread and perpetuated through the mouths of our former husbands. Rise above the assault!!! When Satan isn't successful in defeating us with divorce then he will try to harm us with lies about WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE post-divorce. He is crafty to select certain individuals to spread his lies. Only select individuals can make the devil's lies seem believable. An unfaithful, nonloyal,  mistrusting ex-spouse is an ideal prey and puppet for Satan.

Ladies, you must understand that Satan is our enemy and He will use those nearest and dearest to us in order to attempt to kill our relationship with God, steal our joy and destroy our homes. As much as Satan wants to destroy our marriages and families, he is really after our faith. Satan wants to cause us to stop walking with God just as he did. Keep following Christ; He will see you through.

Initially, the lies from your ex will hurt beyond measure and description. But, we must combat them with truth. Lies and false accusation typically inflict a sting as all injustice does. But, we can apply appropriate remedy and prevent critical wounds. Truth is an essential component of our godly armor; it is an amazing weapon of warfare. We must apply truth when Satan assaults us with lies. Let's consider Ephesians 6:

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.

Ladies, go, fight, win in Jesus' name!!!!

Remember, we are NEVER, EVER utterly forsaken, abandoned or alone, because God is with us ALWAYS!

Be bold and courageous!

Love, blessings, and hugs!

HOPE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT

Romans 15:13 KJV
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Dearest Ladies,
Goooooooooooood day!!!!!! HAPPY TODAY!!!! It's a GREAT day to be alive. I pray that you and yours are well. As you all are busying yourselves with various tasks today, PLEASE, PLEASE remember that we serve the God of hope. NOTHING you will face today is too hard for God! NOTHING is impossible with God! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!!!

God offers us an eternal hope that is the hope of hope. Difficulties will arise as we heal and overcome the challenges of post-divorce life, but remain hopeful. Hope is essential to rebuilding our lives.

The Lord promises to give us ALL joy and peace as we believe in Him, that our hope may abound. God gives us the power of the Holy Ghost to remain hopeful. Isn't that incredible!!!!! Woot, woot!

The God of hope doesn't leave us to wallow and drown in despair. He gives us hope to trust in Him and believe against the odds. Bear these truths in mind.

Divorce is not a death sentence! Divorce is not insurmountable! Divorce does not signal the end of the world. However, there are many moments when we feel that we cannot survive the resulting hurt and trauma. Many times we feel like we are dying. We also feel like we cannot go on and that life will NEVER, EVER get better. Ladies, hang tough. God is not finished with us. Divorce is not the end of our script.

Grammatically speaking, divorce is NOT a period; it's a common. Divorce indicates a permanent end to a marriage, and to a particular experiment with love BUT, it does not wield the power to sentence our life to an end.  Divorce does not end our experiences and experiments with love either. Some marriages fail, but love does not fail. God is love and He does fail. Keep hoping! Hope is necessary for life and living!

Ladies, God will give us beauty for ashes. God will give us a 'happily ever after.' God will give us a miracle albeit a different miracle than we expect. Many times we fast and pray for the only likely, conceivable miracle, a restored marriage, but, more times than not God grants us a restored self instead.

God will heal and restore us; let's submit to Him. The Lord is our kinsman-redeemer! He wants to redeem EVERYTHING in our lives that divorce destroyed. Our healing is a miraculous process; hope is required to engage and endure the process. Don't lose hope!

Every miracle that we petition God for must be preceded by and coupled with hope. We must hope like we've never been hurt! We must hope like we've never been let down! We must hope like we haven't experienced broken promises and vows! We must hope like we've never known unfilled dreams! We must hope like we've never faced hopelessness!  We must hope on hard, difficult days! We must hope like a child! We must hope against the odds!

We must keep our hope in the author of our hope. Fortunately, the Lord God aids us in keeping our hope in Him. What a glorious gift: the God of hope fills us DAILY with immeasurable, awesome and amazing hope. Ladies, keep your hope in God. The BEST is yet to come. AMEN! Have a beautiful day!

Love and blessings

Hugs

Live, Sail, Love

Sometimes the one you built a life with can't live with you
Sometimes the one who put wind in your sails can't sail with you
Sometimes the one who made you aware of your need for love can't love you
Sometimes the road is lonely and hard
Sometimes the road is lonely and hard
But, the end is afar off!
Keep living!
Keep sailing!
Keep loving!

IN THE FACE OF CHANGE CLING TO THE UNCHANGING ONE

Malachi 3:6
For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.

Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

Today is Inauguration Day. While watching the events of the day unfold, I was struck with a sobering realization. Change is inevitable!!!!

Change happens within us and around us on a daily basis but we still struggle with change. Change produces both good and bad stress in us. Change can trigger anxiety and stress. And, change can inspire excitement and enthusiasm.

Sometimes it's relatively easy to embrace change and other times it's difficult to do so! It's particularly difficult to embrace the 'newness' of change because there is an inherent familiar comfort in the 'old.' So, our nature fights against change. And, even when change is welcomed, it is not welcomed without the accompanying nervousness and jitters about the uncertainties of the future.

It was surreal watching incoming President and Mrs. Trump and their staff stand on the steps of the Capitol Building as they waved goodbye to the outgoing President and Mrs. Obama whom departed via helicopter. As the President said, "it was like a scene from a movie set." The moment of departure proved to be a bittersweet moment for many. Emotions ran high. Again, I was reminded that change is not only inherent in government and politics but also in life. Change is one of a few things that is guaranteed in life......

......My mind drifted to our struggles as survivors. The news of divorce initiates a lot of unwelcome change. It's a sickening experience to lose one's husband, one's marriage, one's intact nuclear family, one's financial, emotional, and mental support, one's holidays and Summer vacations with the kiddos, one's hope, one's dreams, one's home, one's community, and one's support of in-laws and friends etc. Thank God that crushing, catastrophic change, like divorce, doesn't permanently defeat us. The consequential changes of divorce are innumerable. And, the changes fluctuate during post-divorce recovery and beyond. But, we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus!

Initially, change is very painful. In fact, many months and years after divorce, change is still very visceral and hard. The path of healing and restoration is long. But, keep moving forward. Coals are crushed into diamonds. Sand is burned into glass. The Lord is reviving us as we undergo change. Consider 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." Remember, God is working ALL of our changes together for good......

......The sizzling, syncopated sounds of the marching bands commanded my attention. The parade lasted long into the evening. After the Inauguration Parade, many folks scattered to balls, parties, and other festivities. I'm sure some others made a beeline home or to their hotels. Sadly, hundreds of others took to the streets to protest the Trump presidency. Angry, volatile individuals commenced to set D.C. ablaze as they ranted and raved about their distresses. I hung my head with dissatisfaction. My dissatisfaction only intensified concerning notification of protests scheduled for tomorrow. I was acutely reminded once again that change is difficult. Change is very difficult but gratefully we have Heavenly comfort and hope.

Ladies, I believe that God allows change so that we can practice and perfect depending on Him. Change protects us from the consequences of our sin nature. We have a tendency to take control and resist anything that undermines our control, our thoughts, and our ways. "Running a tight ship is good" my grandmother would say BUT, any endeavor that we can complete without God is erroneous. We were created for God's glory. We were created to glorify Him in all that we do.

I also believe that sometimes God allows things to get out-of-OUR-control so that we have the opportunity to look up from our situations and circumstances and re-assess the source of our help. Please consider the following scripture:

Psalm 121 KJV
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

God is our help!!!! The One who made Heaven and Earth is our only refuge and fortress. The Lord is our assurance. As we live and abide in Him, the effects of change in our lives are less overwhelming and not all-consuming.

Aside from the transfer of power in our nation, we all are grappling with challenges and changes. My hope for you (and yours) is simple. I pray that you fiercely cling to our unchanging Almighty God in the face of changes in your life. God never changes yet He alone has remedies for every change that we will encounter. Draw close to God! Cry out to Him.

The Lord both authors and allows change. Change is another discipling and refining tool in His hand. Dearest Ladies, submit to God. He is capable, able, and willing to help you successfully navigate good and bad changes. Please join me in praying for our nation and our leaders. We all need to turn to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in order to weather the national and international changes up ahead.

Love and blessings

Hugs

GOD WILL PROVIDE

Deuteronomy 29:5 KJV
And I have led you forty years in the wilderness: your clothes are not waxen old upon you, and thy shoe is not waxen old upon thy foot.

Dearest Ladies,

HAPPY NATIONAL POPCORN DAY!

I hope that you and yours were able to enjoy some delicious popcorn today. In observance of the holiday today, please feel free to comment with your favorite brand or flavor of popcorn. Hopefully, we can have some fun learning about each other. Fire off with your comments! HAPPY POPCORN DAY!!!

I want to encourage you all to keep your hope and faith in God. Trials and tribulations will arise but God is faithful to deliver us from every distress. Just as the Lord kept us throughout divorcement, He can keep us through every other trial. GOD IS ABLE!

We all have many needs. Survivors have day-to-day material needs and 'soul needs.' We crave certain affections, affirmations and assurances as we heal. Sometimes we worry, fret, or fear that our needs will go unmet. And, unmet needs can trigger post-traumatic stress. It can be downright frightening to have a pressing need but no evidence or explanation for how the need will be met. But, I assure you that you can trust God. He has a 100% no fail rate. Study the scriptures and encourage yourself in the Lord. It's not easy walking by faith but we cannot walk with God any other way. Trust the Lord!

Let me remind us all, GOD CAN MEET ALL OF OUR NEEDS!!!! The same God that kept you from losing your mind, can met all of your needs. The same God that comforted you on long, lonely nights can meet all your needs. The same God that healed you from various afflictions can meet all your needs. The same God that assured you of His love when family members and friends deserted you can meet all your needs. Look back over your life! Look back over the separation and divorcement! God has been faithful to you! Don't doubt Him!

Moses had to continually remind the Children of Israel of God's goodness and faithfulness. I was particularly moved by the assurance he offered to Tribes of Israel in Deuteronomy 29:5. For 40 years, the Lord led the Children of Israel in the wilderness. Their clothes neither their shoes ever wore out. That is amazing!!!!! Moreover, the Lord provided manna and quail from Heaven to feed them. God produced well springs of water to quench their thirst. For 40 years, the Children of Israel were completely dependent upon God and He fulfilled their every need.

Ladies, the Lord is the same forever and always. God will provide for your needs. You can trust Him! Try Him! And, the Lord will prove Himself faithful.

Love and blessings

Hugs

GOD IS BETTER THAN ICE CREAM

Psalm 34:8King James Version (KJV)
O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Dearest Ladies,

As survivors of divorce, it's important for us to submit to the healing process. We must submit to the process until we are whole and well. Our transformation takes time but it's a worthwhile investment.

Healing from our wounds is beneficial to us and our kiddos. We cannot afford to allow negativity and trauma to warp our minds and poison our souls. We cannot afford to allow our kiddos to be harmed by the past. Continue to openly and honestly discuss and digest all of your family's experiences through an age-appropriate, solid, biblical, Christian worldview. Create a safe haven wherein it's okay for your kiddos to be expressive, to share hurts and hang-ups, and even their hopes.

I encourage us all to invite our children on the healing journey. They have unique cares and concerns that only God can resolve. Surrender your children to Jesus. Pray for them and also, lead them to the Lord. It's so critically important for our children to establish and cultivate a close relationship with the Lord. We have to intentionally disciple them and shepherd their precious souls. Throughout all of the changes that are inherent with divorce, God remains a faithful, loving constant. The Lord God is with them while at mommy's house and at daddy's house. God is always with our kiddos. It behooves us to help them grow their relationships with God and to grow their faith. Seek God for wisdom; He will show you how to commit to the task.

Please be encouraged by my reflection on a past interaction with my much younger kiddo:

I was chatting with my daughter before bedtime. We were playing a comical, creative game about our favorite foods. We both agreed that ice cream is one of those all-star, all-amazing food items that, time after time, makes the top 3 cut on our favorite foods list.

My daughter and I shared the sentiment that ice cream is great as a snack or meal. Ice cream is great in the morning or evening; it is good in Winter and Summer. Regardless of our mood, condition or location, ice cream is funtastic. If we are hungry or almost full, ice cream is equally delightful. If we are tired or alert, happy or sad, celebrating an event or not, ice cream is just wonderful. With or without cake, ice cream is delicious. If we're in North Carolina or North Dakota, ice cream would still makes us giddy with excitement.

We reasoned that nothing changes the awesomeness of ice cream; it's just incredible all by itself. We described all of the incredible parlor made and store-brought flavors that we've experienced. Then we listed some of the flavors that we have created and sampled over the years. We have many memories, over the years, that have been enhanced by the wonders of ice cream.

As our conversation winded down, the Lord spoke to my heart. He quickly planted an idea in my mind. Unexpectedly, there was a wonderful opportunity for a teaching moment. I had to obediently seize the moment. I sprang into action. "Honey, we both agree that ice cream is fabulous. But, I can think of only one thing that is better. Do you know what's better than ice cream?" With the zest and zeal of a prize pupil, my daughter quickly responded. She laughingly squealed, "JESUS!" I heartily responded, "yesssssssss." She knows me so well that she can correctly answer my questions AND finish my sentences otherwise. She's a smart gal! Smile!

We spent the concluding moments of the night reflecting on JESUS and our extraordinary relationship with Him. Similar to ice cream but far better, we acknowledged that JESUS is wonderful, awesome, amazing and incredible all by Himself. His love, grace and mercy is consistent and great. Jesus is loving, faithful, loyal and holy INDEPENDENT of how we are feeling.

The psalmist David wrote in Psalm 34:8, "O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." This scripture came to mind as my daughter and I talked about JESUS and ice cream. We read the verse aloud and discussed it. Isn't it so wonderful that King David provided such a fitting metaphor for the Lord. Like ice cream, we can "taste" or experience the Lord AND discover that He is good.

We can rejoice that we have a Heavenly Father that is constant and consistent in EVERYTHING pertaining to His nature. We can trust Him because He is good and He never changes. JESUS NEVER FAILS!!! In spite of all of our struggles and setbacks, JESUS NEVER FAILS. Regardless of our experience with failed marriages, LOVE NEVER FAILS because GOD IS LOVE. And, He NEVER fails.

I encourage us all to study and rehearse the promises of God. God's promises are 100% accurate and guaranteed regardless of how we feel. Often the devil will try to suffocate us with lies about who God is or isn't and who we are or are not in relation to God. We can not fall for the devil's lies. We are loved and cared for by God 24/7. He is good!!! We must only dare to trust Him and experience His goodness. I promise He is better than ice cream.

Love and blessings!!!!

HUGS!!!!!

A REFLECTION ON HEALING

I'm climbing a mountain....not sure where the top is.

They say keep going.....it's just up ahead.

Just put one foot in front of the other, you will soon get there.

Yet, my feet are aching, I'm feeling winded, and my heart is heavy.

Feels like I'm tethered to an iron ball called "weariness."

Thus, one more stride is more painful than the last and forward looks like backward.....

How long will this last?

My progress climbing this mountain is more than I can bear.

Oh God, please come to my rescue.

Tears are clouding my eyes and distorting the way.

I'm somewhere far from the top. But, I'm climbing this mountain.

I sure the hope the top is there when I finish climbing this here mountain.